Bad News.

I'm feeling so numb right now. My heart is aching, my eyes hurt from crying. Poppy-Mae has just been diagnosed with Cystinosis.
I'm devastated. Gutted. Heartbroken. Angry and a million other things.I've gone here to vent and whatever else comes out. After losing my placenta they took bloods from P last week. We received a call this afternoon to clarify she does have it. Her level is alot higher than what Emily's was but at least they have caught it early and they started her on the Cystagon today - 1ml once a day then slowly build it up over a few weeks.
I'm so angry with the World right now. I HATE it! I was hoping she wouldn't have it although her dad was convinced she did, he was right. They took bloods again today to check her Electrolyte levels and to start supplements if needed but they doubt she'll need any yet as she is only 7 & a half weeks old. They want her & E at clinic next week for more bloods again. I'll have to get braver now, I always go out the room when bloods are taken but I best get use to it as its going to be a regular occurrence for them both. I just .. I cant think about anything else right now! 1 in 4chance and she gets it. I swear our family has just been cursed since me & Darren got together. I keep thinking I'm going to wake anytime soon and realise the past 3 years have just been so extremely long bad dream.
I wouldn't change my girls for the World though. They are so special to me and this just makes them extra special. In a way at least they can find comfort in each other when they are older as they'll both know and understand how the other one is feeling. Health Visitor is giving us loads of support thankfully as are other people and luckily I have quite a few people on Facebook who know what we are going through.
I really am heartbroken. I feel so sick to.
But ... long as my girls keep smiling I'll smile with them!